Becoming Jane (2007)
"Orange Is the New Black" is like that mole on the back of my leg. Never knew about it but once I found it I couldn’t stop picking at it until it scabbed over and then my sister told me it was a disgusting crust patch of skin that the very snake that discussed fruits with Adam and Eve shed it.
I forget what I mean.
Sometimes I think that while tv is relaxing it is also a mere distraction for my fairly uninteresting lifestyle. Actually I don’t know why I say I think when I know. (Am I in denial? Another symptom of an addict I suppose.) Tv is my drug, and it’s bad because it works crazy well.
Ok I have never been addicted to anything in my life (hence the previous labeling of the fairly uninteresting lifestyle) but I will go about this as if I were a true addict.
1. I think about it when I’m not doing it.
True. I keep track of the days with primetime show slots. Mondays means “Dancing with the Stars” and “Castle” and Thursdays “Project Runway”. EDIT: Honestly I write a whole paragraph for each day and I got truly freaked out and edited this section. What little spirit I have left…
2. It takes over my health.
Like why the heck would I want to go on a run where most likely I will have a cramp and end up gasping for air like the Little Mermaid after her seawitch deal when I can just sit my ass down and watch Olivia Pope make out with the President?
Sidenote: That being said, errrrrrrrrmahgod “Scandal” is sariously soo good I mean…dat President mm MM! <—same noise I made when I looked at my Ina Garten cheesecake that took me 7 hours to bake.
3. It gives me a high.
All my anxieties and worries wash away, much like the aquatic opening credits of Revenge. And that opening credit is more than just 5 seconds of ominous music and a weird computer generated ocean, it is a promise that my mind will be taken care of for the next 45 minutes with drama, mystery, and hopefully—fingers crossed—a fancy gala which will require the actors to wear very beautiful dresses.
3. It makes me reclusive.
Why would I want to go out with you outside where there is fresh air, bright lights, music, and real life, tangible peoples who are made of skin and talk when I can stay home and watch the “Miss America” competition, which by the way is also the largest provider of scholarships? Also I’m sure the swimsuit competition has to do with these scholarships because what is the point of having the contestants scantily clad in bikinis and having them walk to pop songs where their bosoms bounce slinkys down a stairwell, surely to show their palpable intelligence?
Ok the point is Tv is awesome but evil, evil evil evil and it is distracting in many ways. I should not have fantasies about joining a gang in a women’s correctional facility which may/may not include a lesbian relationship. I should not use Tv as a means of escapism from the bleak events of life, but moreover I should focus on myself and implementing my place in the world.
Also my rush to summarize this definitely does not have to do with “Forever” coming on at 10:00…
Watching Orange Is the New Black with my sister, and I argue that I could see myself charming a powerful inmate with my plucky personality and tastefully witty jokes in order to earn a place in the most legit crew and thrive behind bars. I am then told that prison is “not like highschool where people felt sorry for me and included me because they thought I was weird”.