They may not see each other for days, or weeks, months… even years at a time. But if there’s love, dear… those are the ties that bind, and you’ll have a family in your heart, forever. All my love to you, poppet, you’re going to be all right… bye-bye.
Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
—the enigmatic R. Kelly
Contemplating what song I should play when I quit my job…narrowed it down to “Touch the Sky” by Kanye West which elicits the classic feelings of elation from the robust trumpet driven melody
OR the more dark track “Deuces” by Chris Brown, which is a bit more sensuous yet is still able to embody the message of dealing with bullshit that is left for the birds, hating liars, and hanging out with a new chick Paula Patton thick (last part may/may not apply to this situation).
There is also the wildcard favorite “Rack City” which, as I have previously mentioned, includes one of the most relatable lyrics of spreading “ten ten ten twenties on dem titties bitch”.
Anyways, the hard part’s almost over. What comes next is the tricky bit. Therefore I have thought very carefully about alternative career paths for somebody with my skill sets.
Potential Career #1:
Hand Model—Having spent much time being in my body (I have not yet had an out of body experience but I believe this will come soon: either while driving and ending up in an accident which is all too forebording/too predictable or when I use hard drugs which I plan on doing when I realize all my friends have whiskers and cough up furballs) I have come to realize that I have pretty good looking hands.
I don’t want to be douchey but my hands are basically what glove manufacturers have in mind when they imagine a dainty lady’s hands/goddess’s/mermaid’s without the prune.
According to this article I read detailing the career of a hand model, it is a very lucrative career although somewhat demanding. You must be able to hold items for long periods of time and bear the light and cameras filming you for a while.
So what’s holding something for 2+ hours if I can make $1,200 a day or some shit like that.
After reading this article I thought I was set. The requirements for a pair of perfect female hands were long, slender fingers (definitely), lack of bumps/bruising (totally) and plenty of moisturization (nothing Vaseline can’t fix).
Then my eyes fell upon the last paragraph which described the total exclusion of specifically hairy knuckles.
Back to the drawing board then.
I’m pretty sure I need a new laptop because every link I click on gives me a pop up with cartoon asian girls that are half naked…